If I was Joseph there is no way that ignorant drummer boy and his “pa-rum-pum-pum-pum”, would have been around Jesus for a second with that drum… “Really… look, little boy can’t you see there are wise men, kings, here with real gifts? Skedaddle, move along! Your drumming is only going to cause hearing loss for the infant.” The animals would have been put to better use sicking the boy and his harmful instrument then keeping time, pa-rum-pum-pum-pum. O.K. maybe Joseph didn’t have all the available medical knowledge that we have today about a baby’s sensitive hearing, pa-rum-pum-pum-pum. But, Joseph had to at least have been wise enough to recognize a ridiculous chorus when he heard one, pa-rum-pum-pum-pum… that’s no soothing lullaby for a newborn. And “Mary, nodded”… I find this really hard to believe, being the mother of God she would be very protective of her precious one. I think, the little drummer boy made the whole story up and it never even happened. He’s either a charlatan or a baby abuser… so stop singing his song! Little Drummer Boy you are on notice, pa-rum-pum-pum-pum.
I don’t see this as a major obstacle to the war effort. In the wise, winsome words of a leader we all love and adore, “You are either with us or against us in the war on…” Christmas! Furthermore the UNPPNWDC is a bloated, corrupt bureaucracy (sorry, that’s a little very redundant) that has long outlived is usefulness to the world and may also find itself in the cross hairs. We have tried and tried to pursue diplomacy to no avail. War was never our first choice… nobody wants to go to war… war is our last choice. I have to make the tough decision. Sometimes you have to fight for what you believe in, freedom!
Many of you will die, but it is a sacrifice I am willing to make. - Lord Farquar in the movie Shrek
According to my friend Josh Harris, pastor, best selling author and ex Micheal Jackson impressionist(he does a great moon walk!), he will be promoting “the spirit of Christmas consumerism” by posting “gift ideas” on his popular blog. I am compelled, in this War on Christmas, to oppose his insistence that this spirit prevail. How would the Whos of Whoville come to know the meaning behind Christmas if it wasn’t for the Grinch’s “wonderful, awful” removal of consumerism? The Grinch had it right.
As we amass the troops for The War on Christmas and invade the territory of Christmas, we will swiftly remove consumerism from power. According to a reliable source (Forbes) here are some clear facts, proving that Christmas consumerism is an aggressive threat to us all:
An Average of $795.86 will be spent on each person (up 5% from last year)
$24.8 billion in gifts cards will be purchased (in the past 27% was not redeemed)
Total spending this year will be a record $154 billion (up 8.1% from last year)
24% of gift receivers say they still won’t get what they want (I hope I DON’T get Josh’s gift suggestion)
How’s the title of this post for a great war-time bumper sticker?
After reading my call to armsJon Ward has decided to join my band of brothers in The War on Christmas. In an effort to weaken the enemy’s morale he very tactfully posed the question: “What are the Worst Christmas Songs?” A wise and strategic move indeed, for the enemy hold so dearly their precious, sappy, sentimental holiday music that to covertly and slowly bring about doubt to its worth will, in the long run, prove a lethal maneuver. By way of support on Jon’s flank, I have compiled my own list of terrible Christmas songs that I’m sure will bring more support to our worthy cause and end the tyranny of Christmas. Listen and enjoy.
Bill O’Reliy is fond of bringing everyone’s (well, that is, those who actually listen or watch his pontifications) attention to his “War On Christmas“. The problem I find with his “war” is that the soldiers or leaders of this so called war are never identified. After much deliberation I have decided to nominate myself as General in the War on Christmas. As I assemble my army I will seek to inspire and motivate the masses into action via this very blog. I will be attacking all other blogs that post about how wonderful and enchanting this pagan, commercial so called holiday is. Yes I am taking about you Jon Ward and your puff piece on Sufjan’s Mediocre Christmas, I’m taking you down, this is war.
As any good general would I have an exit strategy for this war: The Christian holiday will be moved to September 29, which is a much more accurate date for the birth of Christ then December 25, and the day shall be called Christ’s Birth Day. Further more I plan on doing away with all ridiculous symbolism associated with this time of year (i.e. Jolly St. Nick, the Tree, Missiletoe, etc).
Yes that is my head, where worthless thoughts reside. I'm yelling at you. So yell back. More about the blog can be found on the about page or check out my very first and best worst post.
War on Christmas 
If I was Joseph there is no way that ignorant drummer boy and his “pa-rum-pum-pum-pum”, would have been around Jesus for a second with that drum… “Really… look, little boy can’t you see there are wise men, kings, here with real gifts? Skedaddle, move along! Your drumming is only going to cause hearing loss for the infant.” The animals would have been put to better use sicking the boy and his harmful instrument then keeping time, pa-rum-pum-pum-pum. O.K. maybe Joseph didn’t have all the available medical knowledge that we have today about a baby’s sensitive hearing, pa-rum-pum-pum-pum. But, Joseph had to at least have been wise enough to recognize a ridiculous chorus when he heard one, pa-rum-pum-pum-pum… that’s no soothing lullaby for a newborn. And “Mary, nodded”… I find this really hard to believe, being the mother of God she would be very protective of her precious one. I think, the little drummer boy made the whole story up and it never even happened. He’s either a charlatan or a baby abuser… so stop singing his song! Little Drummer Boy you are on notice, pa-rum-pum-pum-pum.
After reading 
Bill O’Reliy is fond of bringing everyone’s (well, that is, those who actually listen or watch his pontifications) attention to his “
