A Lesson in Belt Hygiene

08.19.09 Facts, Observations 5 comments

Often after sitting on the porcelain throne one is habitually given to the washing of hands. During one such ritual the other day a thought occurred to me: is my practice between the throne and the sink a completely hygienic one? Now, to answer this question one must analyze the steps taken from sitting to standing, from standing to walking to the sink. So what is it that occurs after the sitting position? Well, typically one of two things, the flush or reclothing. Now the flush is to be expected and most people will probably use “the other hand” if you know what I mean.

What, you’ve never thought about that? Please people, use “the other hand” or wait until your hand is clean before flushing!

Anyway, so the other thing that occurs: reclothing. Now, it’s not a huge deal if you must use two hands to reclothe because, after all, you’re cloths will be washed within a certain time period. So it is of little consequence that fecal matter may dwell on this article of clothing for a while. Speaking of fecal matter, did you read my post about Luther’s feces and Calvin’s crap? No, okay good. Back to the reclothing. What is the one article of clothing that does not receive a regular washing? The belt.

I have now changed my practice to proceed as follows: sitting, standing, duck-walking, hand washing, and reclothing. You should consider this as well.