Tax The Fatties Right Off The Planet

04.23.09 Culture, Facts, Observations, Politics, Punk Blog Rebellion 3 comments

Scientists, according to The Sun, have finally realized the global menace that fatties are: “the increase in big-eaters means more food production—a major cause of CO2 gas emissions warming the planet.” Ah, ha! The obese are responsible for global warming. I knew it.

With further expertise on the subject Dr Phil Edwards, of the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, said: “Moving about in a heavy body is like driving in a gas guzzler.” On top of that, these chunky-monkeys actually drive gas guzzlers in order to, as Tye Pennington would say if he hosted The Biggest Looser, “MOVE THAT ASS.”

What, you think they’ll fit into a Honda Fit?

How awful, reprehensive, and evil—these meaty mates should be punished for their crimes against humanity and mother earth!

In my recent post, Tax the Flatulent Humans Not the Cheddar Cutting Cows, I encouraged politicians to do a “one-cheek-sneak and impose a tax on” people given to “frequent spreading of their colon-cologne.” These people are, inevitably, excessive consumers of food. These tubby trains should pay for their porky persistence.

To rid the world of this chunky cargo, the big and beautiful must pay, they must pay their full-figured mass in a hefty tax. A tax that forces the pack of franks from their neck into the government’s corpulent coffers.