Top Ten Reasons I Should Host American Idol (AI)

Junk: 01.13.09 Culture, Observations

1. I was the first to tell everyone that AI is Dead in the American Idol Delusion
2. I’m much better looking then Ryan Seacrest
3. I don’t appeal to pre-teen girls and elderly house wives who swoon and vote for emo-guys
4. I would give preference to Simon and allow him to speak, maybe 95% of the entire show; over top of the singing, a running commentary like a sports commentator if you will
5. I don’t think any of the contestants are good singers even the ones that have won in past years
6. I would improve the show by introducing a large gong, which will be struck quite frequently when the sounds emitting from a contestant’s mouth can no longer be tolerated—zero tolerance policy
7. I would improve the show by reintroducing a large cane removing contestants from the stage
8. I cut my hair about once a month and never change my hair style so you won’t hear anyone talking about it
9. I will likely tell Paula to “suck it up,” “shut it,” or “we don’t care what you think” on a repeated basis
10. I don’t wear tight jeans

I expect the job offer soon. Did I miss anything for my resume?