01.13.09 
Culture, Observations 6 comments
- I was the first to tell everyone that AI is Dead in the American Idol Delusion
- I’m much better looking then Ryan Seacrest
- I don’t appeal to pre-teen girls and elderly house wives who swoon and vote for emo-guys
- I would give preference to Simon and allow him to speak, maybe 95% of the entire show; over top of the singing, a running commentary like a sports commentator if you will
- I don’t think any of the contestants are good singers even the ones that have won in past years
- I would improve the show by introducing a large gong, which will be struck quite frequently when the sounds emitting from a contestant’s mouth can no longer be tolerated—zero tolerance policy
- I would improve the show by reintroducing a large cane removing contestants from the stage
- I cut my hair about once a month and never change my hair style so you won’t hear anyone talking about it
- I will likely tell Paula to “suck it up,” “shut it,” or “we don’t care what you think” on a repeated basis
- I don’t wear tight jeans
I expect the job offer soon. Did I miss anything for my resume?
01.06.09 Observations, Politics 4 comments
The EPA (Environmental Protection Agency) has let one brilliant backdoor-trumpet of an idea out. In what can only be described as the rectum-roars of cushion-creepers they have tickled-tush with their proposal to tax the gastronomical-repercussions of bovines (read about it here). Look out, these barking-spider politicians will stop at nothing to blow their trouser-trumpet in order to acquire more money for the government—poofume for pigs, anyone?
I would like to suggest that the EPA use a one-cheek-sneak and impose a tax on some of my friends given to the frequent spreading of their colon-cologne—you know who you are—look out the EPA will be on your ass… err, I mean donkey… err, cow.
01.02.09 Observations, Politics 3 comments
Previously I wrote about John Edwards and his Lego Hair Health Care, but he is not the only one with the Lego hairdo in politics. Rod Blagojevich may actually have Edwards beat: simply because his locks are much more captivating. Every video clip I’ve seen Blagojevich in, his hair is just so enrapturing to me; I can’t help but give it all my attention, ending in me conversing with myself, “What did he say? I don’t know, but his hair…wow!” I have often thought of offering my time and expertise to help Blagojevich maintain such a stellar mane.
I do have one slight beef with Mr. Blagojevich, and I don’t want to split hairs here, but why the constipation faces? Keep it together man.
On a bright note at least politicians can write laws about hair. Take for instance the shining example of California where 29-year old Sabrina Reece was fined for braiding another women’s hair, in what can only be described as a “hair sting.”
I’m currently contemplating my first coffee-table book documenting the fascinating world of politician’s hair styling, which will include suggested policies and laws that would encourage one to let one’s hair down.
