Little Drummer Boy Abuses Baby Jesus
Junk: 12.18.07 
War on Christmas
If I was Joseph there is no way that ignorant drummer boy and his “pa-rum-pum-pum-pum”, would have been around Jesus for a second with that drum… “Really… look, ‘little drummer boy’ can’t you see there are wise men and kings here, with real gifts? Skedaddle, move along! Your drumming is only going to cause hearing loss for the infant.”
The animals would have been put to better use sicking the boy and his harmful instrument then “keeping time,” pa-rum-pum-pum-pum. O.K. maybe Joseph didn’t have all the available medical knowledge that we have today about a baby’s sensitive hearing, pa-rum-pum-pum-pum. But, Joseph at would have the wisdom to recognize a ridiculous chorus when he heard one, pa-rum-pum-pum-pum—that’s no soothing lullaby for a newborn.
Then, supposedly “Mary, nodded”… I find this really hard to believe, being the mother of God she would be very protective of her precious one. Her approval is likely a fabrication.
While I’m at it I’m going to throw arrogant in the mix… I mean he just assumes that his song is good enough for baby Jesus! He could have taken it to some test markets first, done a couple of street gigs, gotten a producer involved, and tweaked the song so that it was something worth listening too. Oh, the arrogance.
I think, the little drummer boy actually made the whole story up—it never even happened. He’s either a charlatan or a baby abuser… so stop singing his song! Little Drummer Boy you are on notice, pa-rum-pum-pum-pum.
This post is part 5 in a series:
Part 1: The War on Christmas
Part 2: Worst Christmas Songs
Part 3: Consumption is the Reason for the Season
Part 4: The War on Christmas Curbed by the UN
12 comments ↓
My favorite post ever!
Laura is just being nice.
do you have something against drummers?
what if it was the “little guitar boy” ?
Laura, Thanks, I now have a strange sense of satisfaction… is this what they call feelings?
Kelley, I know, it’s hard to relate to. I’m sure that is why it stuck out to you, “being nice” that is!
Nick, nothing per say but I don’t think the phrase “pa-rum-pum-pum-pum” would ever be uttered by a guitar player. the little drummer boy gives a bad name to all drummers, they should be lining up on my side!
How can you be so critical of a song that 2 of the greatest performers, Bing Crosby and David Bowie, found special enough to do a rendition of, together.
I urge you to take some time to watch and listen to the magic that they produce all for the glory of Little Drummer Boy.
Little Drummer Boy will accept your apologies.
Perhaps because I’m the wife of a drummer boy (and leader of the UNPPCWDC), I find this post offensive. It makes me sad. It’s a feeling Kerrin, you wouldn’t understand!
First, calling him ignorant. Well, he’s just a little boy and he’s probably self-taught (note he is poor) how to play a wonderful pa-rum-pum-pum.
Second, accusing him of wanting to cause hearing loss to the Savior, when all he tried to do was to bring a gift to honor Him! Note again, the poor state of the child, he had no gold or other trinkets to bring.
Finally, calling him a liar. That’s just wrong! He had witnesses! Mary and the ox and lamb who “kept time.” He may be poor, he may not know much about plausible causes of hearing loss, but he is no charlatan!
My husband, myself and all the drummer boys of this world expect an apology. Pa-rum-pum-pum-pum
Mel, Bowie himself hated the song he only agreed to sing it after some significant modification to counter balance all those pa-rum-pum-pum-pum’s. The result is nothing like “Little Drummer Boy”. Bing was an old man probably senile at that point, without his faculties. So his participation means nothing to me.
Wife of a drummer boy,
To your first point: You yourself admit in your third point: “he may not know much about plausible causes of hearing loss”, this is the definition of ignorant, not knowing much. While I’m at it I’m going to throw arrogant in the mix… I mean he just assumes that his song is good enough for baby Jesus! He could have taken it to some test markets first, done a couple of street gigs, gotten a producer involved, and tweaked the song so that it was something worth listening too.
To your second point: If in fact he did perform his song before baby Jesus I lay heavy blame on Joseph & Mary for not stopping this. If he was poor where did he get that expensive drum he banged on? Why didn’t he give that as a gift? I’m sure the baby once he was a toddler with developed ear drums would have loved to have his own drum to bang on.
To you third point: I could write a song claiming to have gone to the moon and include in the song Buzz Aldrin & Neil Armstrong were there with me. Wallah! I now have my witnesses just like the LDB. Hence he is either a liar or a baby abuser (possibly in ignorance).
There will be no apology from me for bringing the truth to light.
It’s hard for me to admit, but I do believe my older brother is insensitive, ignorant, arrogant and completely unaware of real talent.
Kerrin I’ve heard you play the drums! You hurt my ears! I wish Mom & Dad had stopped you. Maybe they were just supporting a young heart eager to please!
Animals can hear/feel earthquakes, hurricanes, tsunamis, etc. before they happen. Hmmm, sensitive hearing??? Why would they ‘keep time’ to a beat a sound a feeling that was “abusive” or hurtful in any way to a new life????
Pick a better battle!!!
Mel, Ouch. Well you got me there: “insensitive, ignorant, arrogant” I am all of those and worse… every battle I pick is a stupid one, hence my “Worthless Thoughts” are now enshrined on this blog.
You are right they wouldn’t do such a thing if it was harmful. You agree with me he made the song up! The LDB made it all up.
By the way, fine use of the question mark in your last comment.
No you’re not those things you are amazing to me!!! I love to play the verbal battle with you but for serious the LBD was feeling it!! no major record label but he made history!!! He was loved!
Hey!
You’ll have to let us know how your Christmas went. Did you win the war? Does the battle end here?
In all seriousness, I hope you and your lovely family had a wonderful Christmas.
I’m will Mel on this one. David Bowie, little drummer boy…makes Christmas holly and jolly.
Kerrin. The Little Drummer Boy’s drum was clearly animal skin, thus the decibel levels would be soothing rather than harmful to a small child.
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