12.18.07 
War on Christmas 11 comments
If I was Joseph there is no way that ignorant drummer boy and his “pa-rum-pum-pum-pum”, would have been around Jesus for a second with that drum… “Really… look, little boy can’t you see there are wise men, kings, here with real gifts? Skedaddle, move along! Your drumming is only going to cause hearing loss for the infant.” The animals would have been put to better use sicking the boy and his harmful instrument then keeping time, pa-rum-pum-pum-pum. O.K. maybe Joseph didn’t have all the available medical knowledge that we have today about a baby’s sensitive hearing, pa-rum-pum-pum-pum. But, Joseph had to at least have been wise enough to recognize a ridiculous chorus when he heard one, pa-rum-pum-pum-pum… that’s no soothing lullaby for a newborn. And “Mary, nodded”… I find this really hard to believe, being the mother of God she would be very protective of her precious one. I think, the little drummer boy made the whole story up and it never even happened. He’s either a charlatan or a baby abuser… so stop singing his song! Little Drummer Boy you are on notice, pa-rum-pum-pum-pum.
12.04.07 Culture, War on Christmas 3 comments
The War on Christmas has experienced a slight set back as the meddling, do-good-er, mam-be-pamby folks at the United Nations for Promoting Peace Not~War During Christmas Time have drafted a resolution stating:
There is no credibly evidence that this Christmas Consumerism of Mass Destruction (CCMD) is an aggressive threat. The War on Christmas must be stopped. Further unauthorized action will result in sanctions.
I don’t see this as a major obstacle to the war effort. In the wise, winsome words of a leader we all love and adore, “You are either with us or against us in the war on…” Christmas! Furthermore the UNPPNWDC is a bloated, corrupt bureaucracy (sorry, that’s a little very redundant) that has long outlived is usefulness to the world and may also find itself in the cross hairs. We have tried and tried to pursue diplomacy to no avail. War was never our first choice… nobody wants to go to war… war is our last choice. I have to make the tough decision. Sometimes you have to fight for what you believe in, freedom!
Many of you will die, but it is a sacrifice I am willing to make. - Lord Farquar in the movie Shrek
Part Five of The War on Christmas
12.03.07 Culture, War on Christmas 8 comments
According to my friend Josh Harris, pastor, best selling author and ex Micheal Jackson impressionist(he does a great moon walk!), he will be promoting “the spirit of Christmas consumerism” by posting “gift ideas” on his popular blog. I am compelled, in this War on Christmas, to oppose his insistence that this spirit prevail. How would the Whos of Whoville come to know the meaning behind Christmas if it wasn’t for the Grinch’s “wonderful, awful” removal of consumerism? The Grinch had it right.
As we amass the troops for The War on Christmas and invade the territory of Christmas, we will swiftly remove consumerism from power. According to a reliable source (Forbes) here are some clear facts, proving that Christmas consumerism is an aggressive threat to us all:
- An Average of $795.86 will be spent on each person (up 5% from last year)
- $24.8 billion in gifts cards will be purchased (in the past 27% was not redeemed)
- Total spending this year will be a record $154 billion (up 8.1% from last year)
- 24% of gift receivers say they still won’t get what they want (I hope I DON’T get Josh’s gift suggestion)
How’s the title of this post for a great war-time bumper sticker?
Part Four of The War on Christmas
