Worst Christmas Songs

Junk: 11.29.07 star Culture, War on Christmas star

Great Christmas WarAfter reading my call to arms Jon Ward has decided to join my band of brothers in The War on Christmas. In an effort to weaken the enemy’s morale he very tactfully posed the question: “What are the Worst Christmas Songs?” A wise and strategic move indeed, for the enemy hold so dearly their precious, sappy, sentimental holiday music that to covertly and slowly bring about doubt to its worth will, in the long run, prove a lethal maneuver. By way of support on Jon’s flank, I have compiled my own list of terrible Christmas songs that I’m sure will bring more support to our worthy cause and end the tyranny of Christmas. Listen and enjoy.

  • Baby Please Come Home For Christmas by Bon Jovi

  • Christmas in Hollis by Run DMC

  • Christmas Wrapping by The Waitresses

  • Cool Yule by Bette Midler

  • Do They Know It’s Christmas? various “Artists” at Band Aid (the 80’s version is even worse)

  • Frosty the Snowman by The Cocteau Twins

  • Hard Candy Christmas by Dolly Parton

  • Hey Santa Claus by Barney

  • Little Drummer Boy by Jars of Clay

  • Run Run Rudolph by Bryan Adams

  • Thank God It’s Christmas by Queen

  • Walking In the Air by Kenny Logins

From Disco Noel - 1978

  • Jingle Bells

  • Silver Bells


This post is part 2 of a series:
Part 1: The War on Christmas
Part 3: Consumption is the Reason for the Season
Part 4: The War on Christmas Curbed by the UN
Part 5: The Little Drummer Boy Abuses Baby Jesus

10 comments ↓

#1 Jess on 11.30.07 at 8:04 am

What a laugh you gave me this morning, but I appreciate that someone else out there is fighting back too. HaHa!

#2 ali on 11.30.07 at 8:39 am

i don’t think jon is really part of your war. he doesn’t seem to want people to know this for some reason, but he LOVES christmas. i mean he starts listening to christmas carols MONTHS before december. he actually gets quite sentimental about it. it’s possible he is some sort of spy. (amy grants christmas album is on our ‘favorites’ playlist)

#3 kerrin on 11.30.07 at 10:55 am

@Jess, Glad I could spread some Christmas winter cheer.

@Ali, I will tell you now, that if he plays that Amy Grant album he is in full support of bringing down Christmas. I would have added that to my list but it has been removed from all stores (due to it’s utter awfulness) and I was unable to obtain a copy.
Sometimes when men go to war they’re afraid to tell their loved ones.

#4 Kelley on 12.02.07 at 11:56 am

you should find “christmas eve in washington” and put that on here. i’m betting the number of your supporters will triple overnight.

#5 Mel on 12.05.07 at 7:10 am

I’m happy to see Santa Baby by Eartha Kitt didn’t make your list because I sure do like that song!

#6 kerrin on 12.06.07 at 5:41 pm

@Mel, Santa Baby by anybody should be on my list. There are just too many to put here. The war does have limited resources.

#7 kerrin on 12.06.07 at 5:44 pm

@Kelley, yea I think that one will be released to finish the enemy off.

#8 billy on 12.14.07 at 6:43 pm

i agree with everything except run dmc. that song should be in the top 10 best christmas songs.

#9 The Idea Of Progress on 12.24.07 at 8:48 am

Wait, Christmas in Hollis? Are you mad? That is one of the greatest Christmas songs EVER! This war on Christmas must be stopped, in the name of sucka MCs everywhere.

#10 kerrin on 01.07.08 at 12:31 pm

The Idea of Progress, Thanks for visiting my lowly blog. It was difficult for me to put that song here because of my respect for the sucka MCs. However with lines like:

Jack Frost chillin, the orchas out?
And that’s what Christmas is all about

I think they lacked sincerity in their promotion of the “Christmas Spirit”.

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